what am i to do?

so i have continued to have a great time with my new friend but of course, there is another issue. now before i continue, i must start by saying that i have promised myself that i will enjoy every moment of everyday and let things fall where they may. i can only control my actions, not the actions of others and i just have to make my intentions known and let things flow. now back to the story.

i really enjoy my time with her but i would really like being in a relationship with her. the issue is, i have just gotten out of a relationship and would love to have this time to focus on myself and the things i need to do for me. we have mutually decided that we would like to wait on each other and move slowly. that is much easier said then done. the other issue is, how do i know that these feelings are real and not out of loneliness? i guess this is what this time is for, right? a chance to get it all figured out. this situation is both good and bad. with my previous relationships, i was able to get every moment of everyday with my significant other. with this one, i count down the minutes until i can see her again. i think about her constantly, even when i dont want to. it is sickening, but i am sort of good way. i think she is what i really need in my life but not right now. maybe in a year, maybe more. dont honestly know right now. and i cant worry about it. take it day by day.

i need a hobby, seriously. maybe the meditation stuff needs to start sooner than later. working out will probably help as well. anything to keep me focused on myself and let the relationship thing work it self out without my added stress and insight. do i really have any anyway? she just feels so right and i am ready for a commitment, but not really. a year charniece, a year. thats just around the corner. am i the only person that tries to syche myself out like that? :)

thats enough for now.

until then, peace