today was a very funny day. well, not very funny but more thought provoking. today i had a interesting conversation with octavia. no need to go into detail but let me just say that a friendship with her will be just as difficult as a relationship. why do i attract drama? why cant things just go simply? women bring so much negative sometimes or is that me bringing it? sometimes, i feel like i would really benefit from having friends but then i realize that I dont have the time or patience for any extra people right now. how can i find time for other people when i dont even spend time with my own family? i need to get the home front in check before i try to add other people, right? and what are the true benefits of having friends? someone to talk to? i have a therapist for that. people to go out with? i dont have the patience to be on someone else's schedule. i guess i can stick with my text messages and fb friends for now.

so the new question is, when the hell are you changing things around and getting something new in life? soon, right? you are so tired, why dont you do something different then. enought whining about that.

k.jones, when are you going to say how you really feel about her? say that you are feeling her a little more than you should. that you worship the ground she walks on but she may not be feeling the same way. stop buying her things you say? maybe but then it wouldnt be me. i need to step away but for what? you miss her and there is not a damn thing you can do about that.